You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
