You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
