By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
