SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
