and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
