Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
