Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
