wrigley field is MILF paradise
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
