I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
