recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
