Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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