Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
