I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
