he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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