I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I currently don't understand fingers.
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