2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
