Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
