Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
