Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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