i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Randomize
