fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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