During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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