Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
