Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
All I want is dick and wine.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
