We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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