Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
