i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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