thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
