Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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