Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize