I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
