Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
