I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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