this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
