i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
