i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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