she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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