so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All the doctor said was why
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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