I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
