My friends, they love my intelligence
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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