We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize