So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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