Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
