Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
