I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i dont even know how to be here
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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