And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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