I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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