I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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