White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
