if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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