That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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