I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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