yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
