It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
