Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
