She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
