nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
