listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
