his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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