WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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