Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
