Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
