it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
