he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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