That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
