3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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