I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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