Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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