I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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