i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
