I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
