she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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