My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
